Another long day spent mostly on the phone with family and friends offering their advice and support. I’m still not eating, but I keep from getting dehydrated by drinking plenty of fluids. I make an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow to begin being treated for depression.
I get up while Helen is getting ready for work. Now that she has agreed to try and reconcile, I’m eager to do all I can to smooth things between us – perhaps a little too eager. I make her cups of tea and offer to carry her heavy briefcase out to the car. She appreciates my efforts, but notices immediately that I’m trying too hard. She gently tells me not to be quite so cloying. I take her point and realise I have to tread very carefully on this tightrope I’m walking.
I speak to Helen during the day and remind her that I still need some outstanding financial information from her in advance of my meeting with my lawyer later in the week. She gets hostile on the other end of the phone and accuses me of only being interested in money if we divorce.
“You're just out to ruin me financially,” she says.
“Not at all,” I respond. “I want us to remain together. But if you're determined to divorce me, then of course I have to protect my own interests and get the best settlement deal I possibly can. After all, I’m the one being dumped with no stellar career and no new love on which to fall back,” I continue.
She complains how unfortunate it is for this to be reduced to a question of economics and asks me if I think two people should stay in a bad marriage purely for financial considerations. Of course not, I respond. One can’t be financially blackmailed into staying in a bad marriage. But I think we can fix the problems between us. And while the economic issue may not be as important as the emotional one in terms of personal happiness, it’s certainly one issue involved in a divorce. Incredibly, it seems she hasn’t considered this. As with the house, she really doesn’t seem to grasp what she stands to lose if we divorce. She hasn't considered any of the practical realities. She's operating on a purely emotional level.
Despite the negative tone of this conversation, when Helen gets home in the evening we have another long discussion. We talk for hours. Amazingly, it feels positive and constructive. The more we communicate, the more progress we seem to make, however small. I go to bed feeling a little better, not that I expect to sleep well.
Excerpted from Diary Of A Divorce, by Richard Pearce, available for £8.99 from www.amazon.co.uk or for $14.75 from www.lulu.com See also Life As A Divorced Dad at http://www.singledad.blog.co.uk
